Report: Local Man Training for Television Marathon

0

Keene, NH-  With the 2017 television season rapidly approaching, local graphic designer, Pete Holden, has begun preparations to achieve a lifelong goal: complete a TV marathon.

For the past six weeks, Holden has rigorously trained his mind, body, and spirit to endure four solid days of continuous television viewing in late September.

“It’s been tough. I won’t lie.” Said Holden. “Ideally I would’ve had more time to get out of shape, but I’ve packed on some serious fat, and I’m ready to do this thing. And everyone’s been so supportive–my girlfriend, my coworkers, my family. It’s been great. After twelve or thirteen hours of extreme lethargy, when you’re really feeling the strain in your cervical vertebrae, you’re stiff as a fence post, and you haven’t taken a crap in three or four days, it’s nice knowing you’ve got all these people in your corner, rooting for you.”

And with modern technologies, such as DVR and streaming services, Holden is going to need all the encouragement he can get.

“This isn’t 1995.” Said Holden. “The game has changed. You don’t get a five-minute commercial break for every ten minutes of programming. So you’ve got to train accordingly.”

Which, for Holden, means hours of daily sedentary conditioning.

“My alarm’s set for four. I squeeze in two movies before work. Then it’s eight hours of light duty at the office. And after work, it’s right back on the couch again for at least six hours.”

But training is only half the equation. Inactivity is futile without proper malnutrition.

“The body needs fuel. It’s as simple as that. Ideally you want foods with a high calorie-to-dishes ratio. Personally, I’m a casserole guy. They’re good hot or cold, they’re loaded with unhealthy fats and simple carbohydrates, and they have relatively low nutritional value. Pizza and chicken wings are acceptable alternatives, but finger foods are never ideal, as excess grease inhibits remote controllability.”

Holden’s advice to other aspiring endurance televiewers:

“Stay away from cotton altogether. You want something that’ll wick moisture and breathe without chafing, like merino wool, synthetics, or lightweight technical fabrics. Also, and I can’t stress this one enough, maintain proper form, especially when fatigued. Once your form breaks down and those secondary muscle groups take over, you’ll be dealing with bad posture, or worse, injury. And lastly, stay away from sugary sports drinks. Glucose crashes almost always become naps. Stick with diet soda. Five fluid ounces, every thirty minutes, like clockwork.”

 

 

(Visited 49 times, 1 visits today)

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here