Report: God Planning Universal Deluge


Heaven- After national leaders made multiple nuclear threats on social media, The President of The United States referred to white supremacists as “fine people”, and a neo-nazi plowed a car into a crowd of anti-hate protesters all in the same week, sources confirm God is planning a universal deluge.

“For most of you, it’s really nothing personal.” Said God in a prepared statement. “But I think we can all agree I got a few things wrong.”

Despite the forthcoming end of humanity, God’s statement was undoubtedly optimistic. “I’m looking forward to taking another crack at creation. Sure, I made some mistakes the first time around: mosquitoes, chapped lips, poison ivy, Wayne LaPierre. But I’ve learned a lot these past couple-thousand years, and I really think I can do better.”

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