Mitch McConnell Struck by Thunderbolt from The Heavens Amidst Plea for Bipartisan Health Care Effort

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Mitch McConnell Being Struck by Lightning

Washington- Moments after expressing his frustration with Senate Democrats’ refusal to “engage in a serious way” in the Senate’s recent health care effort, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel was blown off The Senate Floor by a massive thunderbolt cast down from the heavens.

Miraculously unharmed, sources report The Kentucky Senator was “shook up” after being singled out in a deliberate attack by The Heavenly Father. The incident has sent a wave of fear through The Senate GOP caucus, many of whom had committed at least five of the seven deadly sins in the twenty-four hours prior to the attempted smiting.

“It’s been a bit of a wakeup call.” Said Senator John Cornyn (R-TX). “This could happen to any of us. It’s scary, the thought of actually being held accountable for our actions. But it does seem kind of sudden. I mean, we’ve been disregarding Christianity’s central message of love, hope, and salvation in order to engender fear and manipulate voters for years, and God’s been completely cool with it, provided we go to church and mention Jesus now and again on the stump. But I guess God has to draw the line somewhere.”

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