Gym Rat Hopeful Acquires Giant, Sloshing Jug of Neon Liquid


La Mesa, CA- Looking to take his physical fitness to the next level, gym rat hopeful, Glenn Reinhardt, recently acquired a giant, sloshing jug of neon liquid. “It was the natural next step.” Said Reinhardt. “I basically found a giant-ass bottle that’d been banging around my trunk for six or eight months, barely rinsed it, and filled it with some skeevy tap water and a few scoops of fluorescent powder I got down at GNC for $34.99.”

The benefits, Reinhardt claims, were immediate. “I’m hydrated as all hell. I’m getting some extra cardio lugging this thing around, and my pee’s a weird color. This is literally perfect for me.”

Reinhardt’s one piece of advice for others looking to carry around large amounts of phosphorescent liquid: don’t be too picky with your jug selection. “Pretty much any vessel will work. I use an old gallon mayonnaise jug, but a 64 oz olive jar, an antifreeze bottle, or even a plastic gas can would all work just fine.”

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