Friday, December 13, 2019
Keene, NH-  With the 2017 television season rapidly approaching, local graphic designer, Pete Holden, has begun preparations to achieve a lifelong goal: complete a TV marathon. For the past six weeks, Holden has rigorously trained his mind, body, and spirit...
Washington- Following a full pardon by The President, an emboldened Joe Arpaio encountered new legal troubles during a scheduled visit to The White House, after attempting to detain The First Lady on suspicion of residing in the country illegally. While...
After a last-ditch effort to repeal key parts Obamacare was shot down in a dramatic late-night vote in July, congressional Republicans are reportedly eying a new health care strategy: Maintain and Rename. Leading the effort are Senators Dean Heller...
Kensington, CA- After ascending a teetering pile of cookbooks perched on a top kitchen shelf, local cat Derek's plans to bathe in the highest, least-stable location in his entire house were cut short when a sudden movement sent the cookbooks...
Heaven- After national leaders made multiple nuclear threats on social media, The President of The United States referred to white supremacists as "fine people", and a neo-nazi plowed a car into a crowd of anti-hate protesters all in the same...
La Mesa, CA- Looking to take his physical fitness to the next level, gym rat hopeful, Glenn Reinhardt, recently acquired a giant, sloshing jug of neon liquid. "It was the natural next step." Said Reinhardt. "I basically found a...
Washington- A leaked document from The White House shows President Trump originally drafted five statements on the violence in Charlottesville before finally offering his insincere condolences in a poorly worded tweet. See The President's five initial responses below.    
Great Update reporter, Josh Freeman, recently sat down with Dan Heller and Eric Armond, to discuss the launch of their Anti-Social Media Platform, "Hermit". The following is an excerpt from their conversation.  Josh Freeman: So first off, anti-social media, where did...
Huntington, West Virginia- In a rare showing of political courage, Governor Jim Justice announced plans to switch to the Republican Party in his increasingly conservative state of West Virginia. The billionaire mining magnate and former Democrat made his announcement alongside...
Washington- Moments after expressing his frustration with Senate Democrats' refusal to "engage in a serious way" in the Senate's recent health care effort, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel was blown off The Senate Floor by a massive thunderbolt cast...